Getting better

It has been over 2 months since my last post. I haven't been focused on pick up at all these weeks, but I was really focused on getting and feeling better about and with myself.

The good thing is that I managed to get the drinking more or less under control right now. I really experience that I'm feeling better by not drinking on weekdays. Furthermore, I started going to the gym. They created a program for me and now I even go to the gym for at least 3 days a week. This really makes me feel good.

Now that I feel better physically (by not drinking all day and by going to the gym) I will now also have to focus on the mental part of getting better.

Sometimes I feel anxious when being in a social environment. I'm always worried 'what would they think of me' in any scenario. This is really taking a lot of energy from me :( And sometimes even avoid things to prevent from being 'judged' by other people. This is really a problem of certain thoughts in my mind that I really seem to believe in. Ive found a good Dutch book that hopefully can help me. This book is about changing your thoughts and 'destroy' what they call the 'internal critic'. This is what I mean with the internal voice in my head that keeps telling me negative things like 'what will they think of me when you do this'.

The reviews I found about this book look promising. The book has a lot of theory and practical excercises. More on that later when I read a few chapters and when I've done the first excercises.

Summarized, three main points for me to focus on right now:
- no drinking on weekdays (ongoing)
- go to the gym at least 3 days a week (ongoing)
- read the book and do all excercises from the book (new)

Clearing my mind

OK, the first week of not drinking on working days was quit heavy. When coming home after a long working day, as soon as I entered my home, I wanted to grab a beer and relax.. However, as soon as I got this feeling, I tried to focus myself on something else. TV, internet, read something. This helped.

Overall, it was heavy but I felt OK while doing this. The good thing is that I managed to keep sober all week. I've only had some drinks in the weekend.

The good part is that it was easier to get up in the morning, I didn't feel messed up all day and night and got normal sleep at night. Now let's keep focused on this.

Messed up

For the last months, I have been drinking on a daily basis.

I work all the day. When I'm coming home in the evening I drink about 6 - 8 beers. Then going to sleep around midnight. Drunk. Stay up again in the morning with a hangover. Going to work again. Day after day..

The weekends are even worse. Stay up in the morning. Have a breakfast. Then the first beer. And going out with friends. Even more beer..

I'm drinking because for me it is an easy way to relax fast. To forget things.

But from now on, I will have to keep my mind clear. Focus again. Don't feel shit anymore. That's why I have decided that my first step will be: no alcohol on working days.

I do have a problem

I do have a problem regarding women. The good part is that i am aware of this and i MUST change this. Let me introduce myself:

I am a 26 year old male from The Netherlands. I've finished my study, have a good job, lots of friends, also some female friends.

But when it comes down to getting close with women i am just too damn scared. Lack of experience, afraid of the unknown.. I don't know exactly what it is. But i do know i have a problem regarding this.

I have had a girlfriend for 4 years (broke up a few months ago). She was the first and the last person i had sex with. And simply can't accept this. I want more girlfriends, have sex and fun with some of them. And maybe on the long term a new relationship.

But for now i want to get a lot better in meeting, attracting, seducing women. And this weblog is to document my journey from Average Frustrated Chump (AFC) to Pick-up Artist (PUA). Time to play the game ...